The sun is great. We all wait eagerly for the first few sunny days of the year when we grab our sunglasses and flip flops and run out the door, headed for beaches, parks, pub gardens and BBQs.
We hear “the sun makes everything better” and “you’ll feel better if you go outside”.
But it’s not that easy.
Don’t get me wrong, I love the Sun on my skin, the warmth on my face and being able to drive around with the window open and my sunglasses on. But I always feel like there is extra pressure to be outside, to be enjoying yourself for every second that the sun is out, and that’s not always possible. We hear the fun and games of outside, the laughter, the smell of BBQs and the sunny photos of everyone enjoying themselves, sometimes we want to be out there too, sometimes we don’t, but there is he pressure that everyone else assumes we SHOULD be outside.
There are so many reasons that we may not enjoy going outside: It could be hiding scars, depression, loneliness, we may want to go out but feel we can’t, anxiety, physical worries, mental worries, emotional worries. We can never truly know what people are suffering with or are going through at that moment in time.
I love nothing more than lying outside reading a book, eating an ice lolly, or perhaps on a beach or in a pub garden with friends, but in the last few days that it has been warm and sunny, it hasn’t seemed as easy and care free as that. I’ve been very much stuck in my own head, worried about what people think, wanting to hide away but internally fighting with myself as I do want to be outside. I have memories that I love and hate at the same time, maybe I’m not strong enough to face those at the moment, I don’t know, but I do know that I’ve sat inside looking out the window and hating myself, crying and being angry that I’m inside, despite it being my decision- decision, if you can call it that. I look outside, I see the pubs I could be sat in, the gardening I could be doing, my old garden that I could be sitting in, and all I want to do is hide. I want to close the curtains and pretend it isn’t happening. I know there are things I have to deal with but for now, I want to sit inside, be by myself and not have anyone judge me, I don’t want the stories of how amazing the dun is being rubbed in my face. I don’t want to feel lonely, and I don’t want to feel pressured to be doing anything that I’m doing.
Please be kind and considerate , whether to those enjoying the sunshine, and those that may be avoiding it as we never know what internal battles people are facing!